How many chapters are there in a lifetime? How many chances are we given to turn the page and grow a new fragment of our soul? How do we know if we are “doing it right”? Is there a defined “right”?
Last summer, I decided to leave the comfort of life in Minneapolis, Minnesota – a life that was filled with everything I desired – and headed west to start again. It was thrilling, bewildering and bittersweet yet remained terrifying and intimidating all in one breath.
To be specific, it wasn’t the absence of happiness, but rather that I was comfortable – which I did not want. I wanted to be brave. I wanted to stretch my comfort zone. I wanted to learn and grow. These desires piqued my interest in seeking a chance. They were motivation to question my life in its entirety.
I do not believe I was meant to be stationary, but rather destined for a life of adventure. Each distinct journey reveals the opportunity to meet new people, experience their culture and see the world through their eyes. The idea being to make a positive impact on them and leaving them better than you found them.
I was ready for this change. I was ready to see new things, meet new people, climb new mountains and see more life. I was ready for a life in Seattle, Washington.
The Thursday before my departure, I tossed and turned in my sleep. I wondered if this new plan was “right.” My personality is designed to constantly worry about taking that perfect path to long-term happiness. It also lights a flame in my heart to question if such a specific path even really exists.
When I awoke at 5 AM, I tearfully hugged my family, said my goodbyes, and headed to the west coast- car packed to the roof. In this moment, I wanted to feel nothing. I wanted to focus on the journey ahead, not behind. I quickly merged onto Interstate 90, which would lead me directly into Seattle. The single prolonged road connected home to my new life.
The journey began with fields as I made my way through Southwest Minnesota. Only a few hours later and I was already at the South Dakota boarder. Similar to Minnesota, South Dakota was easy to veer across without much thought. Exactly what I wanted.
When I found my way into Wyoming, I was suddenly surprised by the excitement in my soul. The state was massive and spread out, with the only sign of human life being the very surface I was driving on. It immediately catapulted me into deep thought about the vastness of our planet, how much there is to see and if there is truly enough ‘time’ to lay eyes on it all.
I continued along I-90 arriving in Montana before sunset, occasionally consulting my road atlas to gauge progress. I wanted to make it to Bozeman, Montana on the first night of my drive to put my progress slightly over half way.
As I drove, the sun began to set, casting a stunning contrast against the Montana scenery. A little sliver of moonlight emerged within the black blanket of sky unveiling a shooting star vanishing into the abyss. In that moment, I felt like everything was happening for the “right” reason.
The good feelings didn’t last long. Winding up and around the bends of the Montana freeway, the dark sky and emptiness surrounding me left me feeling tired and anxious. I was no longer calm about the move, suddenly feeling alone and exhausted.
Arriving in Bozeman, my frustrations grew when all the hotels in a one hundred mile radius were booked. Defeated, I pulled off and found an empty parking lot to rest in for the night. A car bursting at the seams with boxes and belongings didn’t allow much room to recline at all. Hating the idea of someone watching me sleep, I covered my face with a tiny blanket forcing myself to sleep.
The first day of travel was complete and suddenly there I was, alone with mountains, snoozing away in my car, on my way to something new. If someone would have said to me at age 16, 18 or even 21, that my life would consist of moments like this, I wouldn’t have believe them. This life is made up of adventures and wonderful moments that are far superior to what I would have chosen. I was leaving behind my loving family, friends and a job that nourished me from the inside out, and forcing myself to be brave and to start fresh.
I was focused on taking in every moment along that journey; after all, the spaces between the large moments in life are the moments that make up our stories.
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