I would consider myself a free man. And yet I was pleasantly surprised one day to see a senior member in my living group smiling and saying to me: “You do what you want, not caring what others think about you.”
Being thus undoubtedly free within my limited circle of life and work I still wanted to enjoy freedom that comes from moving away, indeed far away, from the same old faces and places and routine phases. After a long time of asking and waiting I got the permission and opportunity to travel far, indeed very far, a distance of about 8000 miles from Secunderabad in central India to California in western USA.
I did not know then the nature of the area as forbidding even for those who would consider themselves progressive enough in their thinking. I was yet to know how I would be churned up having to face best things turned topsy-turvy by the self-styled seekers of spirituality with their—to my mind—bizarre and aggressive opposition to any organized religion with its stand on sacredness of sex.
But I did know what I was going to study at Holy Names College, Oakland in the Institute of Culture and Creation Spirituality founded by Matthew Fox who, I knew, had been barred from teaching for a year by the Vatican authority. Among the sixty-odd classmates I found a former Catholic who, for all her level-headedness, was influenced by the prejudice freely floating in the area; for she was frank enough to confess: “I was drawn to the course convinced that Fox must have said something wonderful to invite ban on himself.” When he came back to teach there was an inaugural lecture by him punctuated by Vatican bashing that was applauded duly by the large audience, all receptive, of course, but all the more captive as I remarked to the College Chaplain. Coming to know Fox during the second semester Bob, one of my companions, had the freedom to think out boldly: “Some of Fox’s ways are exactly what he has condemned in Vatican bureaucracy!” That was a sort of vindication of my own stand for my peculiar freedom in a place where freedom for all was in some way shackled, despite all profession. In the same bold spirit I was the only one to remark in public, frankly and negatively, about Starhawk who, for all her credentials, made a poor show of teaching the Master’s course and, what is more, no one objected. A sure sign, indeed, that there reigned among us the freedom of all shades of opinion. However, anti-Catholicism had the field day rightly enough on occasion though, often enough, more wrongly (as I saw it) and people of my kind had to suffer. But whenever it had good reasons on its side (as in the cases of clerical abuse of children) I would not defend the indefensible but go along with the antagonists.
If, however, a majority of my companions perceived me as a conservative all knew where I stood even if no one else was there to stand by me. Once at the end of her music recital Margaret offered to sing encore what we wanted. All wanted one thing and I alone wanted another! And I was proud when Margaret said from the stage: “Dominic, you have to go against the current!”
Whatever the variety of preferences or divisions in the group all were at one in matters of justice; and all of us participated in the big protest held in San Francisco against the shooting in El Salvador of six Jesuits and theirtwo women helpers. In those days I enjoyed my hour of glory as an Indian belonging to the same group of worldwide Jesuits.
I enjoyed more what could be termed the monument of Jesuit freedom in San Francisco. Once the College Chaplain took me round San Francisco. Of that trip I remember two things: driving up the steepest street (in the world?) and going up to Mount Diabolo. Standing high up there the whole of the city was far below our feet, crystal clear for one with sharp eyes. Rising above the small and high rise buildings stood the towering Jesuit church. As my good guide pointed it out I noticed it was more prominent than the cathedral. And thereby hangs a tale of freedom of a sort. The Cardinal had expressly wished that the Jesuit Church should not tower above the Cathedral. But, when all was said and done, the new Church was found overshadowing the older Cathedral. And so when the Cardinal came for the blessing of the Jesuit Church he began the homily with these words: “This Church is a monument to disobedience!”
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