Thank you to Rabbi Yoshi Zweiback for inviting me on his podcast, Search for Meaning, and to speak on Shabbat at Stephen Wise Temple.
In this edition of his Search for Meaning podcast, Stephen Wise Temple Senior Rabbi Yoshi Zweiback hosts travel writer, author, podcaster, and Stephen Wise Temple Board member Lisa Niver, who just released her memoir, Brave-ish: One Breakup, Six Continents, and Feeling Fearless After Fifty.
Lisa’s memoir debuted as the top solo travel title on Amazon.com when it released on Sept. 19. Her podcast, Make Your Own Map, launched this summer and has been watched on six continents. It was a finalist for two Southern California Journalism Awards in 2023.
Elected this summer as a Congregational Director, Lisa is a graduate of Wise’s religious school program. Wise’s founder, Rabbi Isaiah Zeldin, officiated her bat mitzvah. She began her “nomadic” lifestyle by spending a summer in Israel on LA Ulpan, and went on to study abroad in Jerusalem at Hebrew University. She returned to Israel with her family for Rabbi Zeldin’s 80th birthday celebration. As a journalist, Lisa often shares articles about Wise clergy and services, most often through her column in the Jewish Journal.
Lisa has taught religious school at Wise and science at Brawerman Elementary, and has spoken at Wise about the Jews of Morocco (join our trip there next February!). Through the Jewish Federation, Lisa was part of the Rautenberg New Leaders Project and a mentor for the Julie Beren Platt Teen Innovation Grants Program.
Lisa’s mother, Judi Niver, also served on the temple’s board and both parents are active members in the temple community. Lisa is a regular at Shabbat services (speaking about her book on Sept. 29) and during COVID, she helped coordinate political leaders to read the prayer for our country.
Small Steps to Begin Again by Lisa Niver
Being here in the sanctuary, I am reminded of our founder Rabbi Zeldin. Where other people saw an empty mountain top, he imagined THIS city on the hill
sometimes called the shul with a pool.
I wonder what it was like when he decided to begin our temple.
Did he always believe it would work out?
He probably did.
When most people take a first small step, to build a new synagogue, website or completely new life,
it is scary.
I remember in religious school,
Rabbi Zeldin taught us to open our books and
read the words on the page.
We were not meant to memorize the prayers,
we had to see the letters in front of us.
I took away from this that we need to be present in the moment.
We may be familiar with the prayer,
but we need to bring all of our attention and focus.
In so many ways,
I have needed to stop, breathe,
and see what is in front of me.
In 2014, I returned to California after backpacking
for two years in Asia,
because the man I had married,
the man who stood in the chuppah with me
when Rabbi Zeldin sanctified our relationship,
the man who was meant to treasure me—
was instead violent.
Not only was I managing jet lag,
culture shock and my feelings of failure and
embarrassment about my relationship
But also before departing
on my backpacking adventure,
I quit my job,
sold my car
and rented my condo—
yes -- the definition of burning all my bridges.
Rabbi Herscher had counseled me before –
when I dropped out of UCSF Medical school
and when my cruise line shut down 7 days after 9/11 –
BUT now as I was getting divorced,
he was going through his own evolution
and retiring.
He shared with me that his wise nephew counseled him—
he did not need to know the next chapter,
he only needed to turn the page.
Just start with the next small step.
I listened to his advice and took many small steps,
which would add up to
50 challenges before I turned 50,
and turn into a memoir
called BRAVE-ish, One Breakup, Six Continents
and Feeling Fearless After Fifty
that came out last week!
Earlier this month for Selichot,
Rabbi Yoshi taught about renewal
and shared a quote from Ellie Wiesel
who I had the privilege of hearing speak
in this very room
when he was interviewed by Rabbi Woznica.
Elie Wiesel said that “God gave Adam a secret—
and that secret was not how to begin,
but how to begin again.”
I found that very powerful.
We do not have to get everything right the first time.
We can begin again.
I taught science at Culver City Middle School,
Curtis School and Brawerman School.
No matter if I was teaching 8th grade physics
or 3rd grade earth science,
when I started a new unit,
someone would raise their hand
and say, “I don’t get it.”
I would reply, “Stay with me.
We will get there together.”
Children and adults feel uncomfortable
in the newness.
We do not want to give ourselves time
to find our way out of the darkness.
One thing that can help is to share your story
with a trusted friend. They can act like a guide
or feel like a flashlight to find your way
out of a long dark tunnel.
We do not want to start over or feel uncertain.
But the only certain thing in life is uncertainty.
That’s one of the important lessons of this time in the Jewish year—tonight begins Sukkot, when we dwell in temporary tents and eat outdoors under the stars.
We remember feeling vulnerable.
When the Jews left Egypt and walked
for 40 years in the desert—
they did not know what would happen next.
My book starts when my life was shattered
And I felt so scared
and alone in Thailand
I had to decide what to do next.
I thought about times in the past when I turned to prayers…
I remembered when I was on
my bucket list trip in the Galapagos
I saw the blue footed boobies,
a creature I had dreamed about for decades and learned about from Darwin’s expedition
and always wanted to visit.
When I saw them, I sang Shehecheyanu –
a prayer that praises making it to this time.
I say it every time my plane lands in Israel.
I said it to myself when I felt so alone
in Chiang Rai, a tiny village
3 hours north of Chiang Mai in Thailand,
because I was still alive.
I thought about when I was trekking in Nepal
for 16 days with no sherpa.
Every time the trail seemed too long or too steep,
I sang to myself from Hashkiveinu.
I sang the words of Ufros Aleinu.
I felt comforted in my best times and my worst times
by thinking about being here at this temple
with the words from my rabbis
and the songs from my cantors
and I knew I needed to return here
to heal my heart
and my body
and my soul.
We never know what will happen next.
The best thing we can do is support each other.
We are meant to invite others to be with us in our sukkah.
We need each other to make it
whether in harvest time
or a time when you feel your life is collapsing.
Sukkot is the only holiday where we are told to BE HAPPY. In fact we are told THREE times that it is the "Season of our Rejoicing"!
After the prayers of the high holy days
And this season of Atonement
And granting forgiveness
We can find joy in possibility
We can start again in the new year
We come together as a community
and provide each other shelter
We take care of those in need.
When everything in my life felt broken,
I remembered I belonged here.
In this community, I found shelter a sukkah in the people around me. With my family, my teachers, my tradition.
I am grateful to Rabbi Zeldin
for his teachings and
for building this temple.
When I felt so broken and
I moved back to Los Angeles,
I came to Shabbat in this sanctuary,
I took small action steps
and I believed that things could be different.
I fixed my vision, focused on my values
and embraced change.
When you bring it all together as I remember Rabbi Zeldin used to do…
B for Belief,
R for Resilience,
A for Action,
V for Values
and
E for Effort—
it spells BRAVE.
Hag Sameach
Lisa Niver
Begin Again Sukkot & Shabbat
Sept 29, 2023
BRAVE-ISH: ONE BREAKUP, SIX CONTINENTS AND FEELING FEARLESS AFTER FIFTY
Check out the video of the event here!
My event at Stephen Wise Temple was in the Sept 29, 2023 Jewish Journal PRINT edition p.51!
