There is nothing rational about jumping out of a plane. Freefalling fifteen thousand feet towards the earth defies all instincts of self-preservation. With all hope to survive the plunge packaged into a piece of material strapped to your back, skydiving literally is a leap of faith.
Sometimes in life we face a choice whether to continue a safe, but known road, or take a life-changing leap of faith off a proverbial cliff into the unknown. I have recently chosen the latter. It was not a decision that was made easily. I agonized over it for too long. However, a voice inside told me that it is what I needed to do. It was a voice that woke with me, kept me awake at night, and whispered to me each day. But it was often drowned out by my fears, particularly the question, what if I failed? I was literally ill in the days leading up to the painful cutting the final string that tethered me to my current life. But once I made the decision I realized something miraculous.
Whilst my body bore the brunt of my anxiety I trolled the Internet looking for inspiration. I discovered the late philosopher, Alan Watts, who popularized Eastern philosophies in the west in the 1950s. This discovery couldn’t have come at a better time. Among his illustrious works, he wrote: “I have realized that the past and future are real illusions, that they exist in the present, which is what there is and all there is.” Once I made my life changing decision I truly understood what he meant. These sickening illusions of time, the worries of what-if’s, only existed in my mind, as once the decision was made they disappeared into the ether and the only thing that was left was my feelings and actions in the present.
I have always been a worrier, and as I grow through life I realize that I have spent too much time wallowing in the mistakes of the past and the fears of the future. I can remember few extended periods where I lived in the here and now, and one of those were the months surrounding my first, and only, skydiving experience. With each second in free-fall, I was no longer worried about if my parachute was going to open. My body pulsed with adrenaline. My heart thrummed. My mind buzzed processing it all. Truly, there was no freer feeling that reaching terminal velocity with no strings attached. I was in the moment for each sixty of those seconds, having the time of my life.
At sixty seconds the parachute was pulled, but all I felt was my momentum halting suddenly. As I floated back down to earth I was simply in awe of the snowcapped mountains that surrounded the sapphire lakes in Queenstown, New Zealand. At times on the plane ride up I wanted to touch the ground, worried that my parachute was going to fail, but on that slow descent it was the last thing I desired. I wanted to extend the present, but the laws of physics cannot be defied. Once my feet hit the grass, I laughed at myself for the fears I had on the way up.
Life rarely pans out how you plan, but the key to this letting go of what you thought it would be and you must trust your journey. This trust is the crux of a leap of faith. But a leap of faith can only happen if you make a decision in the present. There really is no use in worrying about the future or the past; they are nothing but illusions. The old adage goes there is no time like the present, but really, there is no time but the present. For in the words of Alan Watts, no valid plans for the future can be made by those who have no capacity for living in the now. And my present is free fall.
Will I fail or will I fly?
I don’t know, but I’m looking forward to the journey.
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